Habit 5: Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood Part 1

   

(Not my image)

    Today, I learned that I am not an Empathic Listener. Empathic Listening refers to the ability to listen and empathize, and eventually create effective communication with others. I am what Covey claims as "Listening with the intent to reply," (p. 393). What Covey describes in the text as a listener with only replying in mind fits exactly how I am as a communicator. I have a hard time putting myself in others' shoes so I reply with "Yes me too, here is my story," not exactly something many would want to hear. Empathic listening is a strong tool because it provides a listener with strong data, and from that the listener can create a strong and well-thought-out response. 

    Most of the time we only hear what we want to hear, like, selective hearing. This reminded me of bias, only wanting to read what we want to be true, completely blocking out other perspectives. In this section Covey also analyzes the different types of listening, carefully explaining each type to signify the superior role of Empathic Listening. There is ignoring, pretending, selective, and attentive. Attentive is the closest to Empathetic, but where Empathetic Listening is about empathizing and all about the talker, Attentive Listening is similar but with some self-focus. The overall message of this first section of Habit 5 is to highlight the importance of understanding first, hence the habit title. The Habit of understanding is critical in healthy communication and relationships. 

    After reading this first section, I tried the Empathetic Listening Practice. During a phone call with my close friend, I practiced the steps in becoming an Empathic Listener. In times when I would usually be rambling about the topic she brought up with my own ideas, I stayed quiet and listened. I have to admit, it was pretty difficult not being able to just blurt out my own thoughts, but it was nice to hear her further explain her topics. While I listened I tried to fully understand what her message was, even asking a few questions regarding her topic. Near the end of the our phone call, I admitted to her I had been trying to become a better listener. She later replied, "I knew you were quieter than usual." I think Empathic Listening is one of the most useful habits I have learned so far from this book. It is something extremely viable in real life, especially when trying to make good connections with others. As someone who enjoys talking, I can tell that it won't be the easiest journey, but I am excited to see how much better my listening skills can be. 

If you want to find out if you are an Empathic Listener, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3ku5nx4tMU


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